From an Alcoholic to His Children

 

July 27,2022

I am an alcoholic. Try as we might to avoid this conclusion, which is often obvious to those around us long before we are able to admit it, in the end the downward spiral makes it clear to even the most reticent of us:  I am an alcoholic. Alcoholism is a disease. It is becoming increasingly clear that its basis is fundamentally genetic. It may be that environmental events are needed to trigger the manifestation of alcoholism as unmanageable drunkenness, but the underlying cause is genetic. In the alcoholic something is missing in the dopamine feedback loop that would allow one to stop after enough of a good thing. Take one drink and there is no “off” switch. The addictive personality can struggle with a similar reaction to many other simple pleasures. I often like to say that Goldfish are a gateway cracker: eat one and you’re soon living in a box of Cheezits. And really, who can eat just one potato chip? But the problem is much worse in the case of alcohol because drinking also dulls the mind. It makes you stupid. Not only does a drink launch an addictive response but it negates any capacity to reason against it. This is pretty much the defining characteristic of the alcoholic.

Alcoholism is pervasive. It cuts across all cultures and demographics knowing no bounds. The stereotype of the alcoholic as a skid row bum with a bottle in a brown paper bag or as living under a bridge may help many, or even most, alcoholics to deny their plight, but it is not a valid picture. True, there are some alcoholics on skid row, but they are equally to be found in the suburbs, on the golf course, or in the board room. The disease afflicts something like 10% of the population and knows no boundaries of race, status, or class.

And today there is no known cure. This is a genetic condition which controls our response to this insidious chemical, ethanol. We are born with the gene and we have to live our lives with the gene. I am an alcoholic and there is nothing I can do about that; I will always be an alcoholic. I have no choice. But I do have a choice about being a drunk. When I am sober and have my wits about me, I can make the decision to avoid alcohol, to never drink again. If I never drink, I will never get drunk. The American Medical Association states “Treatment for alcoholism primarily involves not taking a drink.” Simple. If I never drink my uncurable alcoholism will never manifest as drunkenness. It does not cure the problem but it is a clear path to avoid the consequences.

Simple, but not necessarily easy. Sure, just don’t take the first drink. But we each drink for a reason and to control this problem we need to ferret out and address those reasons, lest we be lead back to that insidious first drink in a moment of weakness or despair. This is the aim of the AA 12 Step Program. AA may or may not be the only path to avoiding drunkenness for the alcoholic, but it is a path which works for some and apparently is the most successful method known. Simple, but not easy. It takes work and perseverance and sometimes just suffering through the compulsion one day at a time. To the alcoholic, drinking is an addiction but it is also a habit whose routes lie in self medication. Quitting can be very hard as is, for example, quitting smoking. For the alcoholic, staying sober in the long run can be the bigger challenge. But millions of successful low bottom drunks who have been able to quit and stay sober demonstrate that it can be done. This is the path I am on, the path to life-long sobriety, following this program one step at a time, one day at a time.

But that’s not what I came to tell you about. As children of an alcoholic parent you stand a fairly high chance of having this troublesome gene yourselves. You may be alcoholics. It may not manifest as uncontrolled or life disrupting drunkenness - yet. But if you have the gene, the possibility lies in your future. In our culture, our tendency is to deny alcoholism (I’m not sleeping under a bridge!) until the impact is impossible to ignore. Often by this time the harm done in our lives is extreme, even catastrophic. Living in a state of denial we are often the last to admit our plight (though secretly we may be the first to suspect it). You don’t have to let this happen to you. You don’t have to go so far as catastrophe. Alcoholism is a progressive disease which continues to get worse with time but you can get off any time you are willing. Your life does not have to crash and burn in order to quit drinking. I guess my short message for today is:  if you think you may be an alcoholic (and you’ve got better than average odds that you have the gene) you should consider treating it sooner rather than later. The sooner you get away from alcohol, the less damage you will do to your life. It is possible to climb out of any hole once you decide to throw out the shovel and reverse direction but there’s no point in digging to perdition if you can recognize the symptoms early. It turns out that life without alcohol is not only possible but is in nearly all ways better than life with it.

There is so much more to be said on this subject once you are interested in pursuing it. Please get in with me touch to discuss it at any time. I would be happy to share my experience and what I have learned with you. I hope that if you did inherit this insidious gene from me you can conquer its impact on your life without going through the devastation to which I drove myself before you are moved to take action.